Who in the Bible Grieved: David, Jacob, Naomi, Rizpah, Jesus at the Tomb, and the Others, Person by Person

• A child: David, Jacob, and Rizpah, the widow of Nain and the Shunammite
• A husband or wife: Jacob, for Rachel, and Naomi
• A friend or teacher: Jesus at Lazarus's tomb, Mary Magdalene and Elisha
• A whole household: Naomi
• Somebody told to be quiet: Aaron and Ezekiel

A verse to read beside any of them

Bible Nudge's passage for grief is Psalm 34:18:

Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.

Verse 17 says, "The righteous cry, and Yahweh hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles," and verse 19 says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but Yahweh delivers him out of them all." Rescue is named on both sides, and in the middle is nearness now. Losing a parent reads the whole psalm.

Tonight, choose the person below whose loss is nearest yours, read their passage, then read Psalm 34:18 straight after it. Stay with one question: "What would it mean to let nearness, rather than explanation, be enough today?"

David

David grieves more often than anyone in Scripture. When Abner is killed by David's own commander, David tells the people, "Tear your clothes, and clothe yourselves with sackcloth, and mourn in front of Abner." He follows the bier, weeps at the grave, and will eat nothing until the sun goes down (2 Samuel 3:31-35). His lament for Jonathan is read on the loss of a friend.

For his infant son, he fasts and lies all night on the ground while the child is sick. When the child dies, he washes, worships and eats, and gives his own reason: "Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." Verse 24 adds, "David comforted Bathsheba his wife." Matthew Henry, from the Reformed tradition, reads the rising as submission to God's will, his reading of that one day. Losing a child stays with verse 23.

After Amnon is killed, "David mourned for his son every day" (13:37). When Absalom dies, David goes up to the room over the gate and weeps, and in chapter 19 he covers his face and cries, "My son Absalom, Absalom, my son, my son!" Joab at the gate is in how long to grieve.

Jacob

Rachel dies in childbirth on the road, and "Jacob set up a pillar on her grave." Shown Joseph's bloodied coat, he "mourned for his son many days," and "he refused to be comforted," the line that what the Bible says about grief quotes. Years later he says, "You have bereaved me of my children! Joseph is no more, Simeon is no more." Told Joseph is alive, "His heart fainted, for he didn’t believe them."

If you are widowed, or have grieved a child for decades, Genesis 48:7 is worth its own moment: an old man blessing his grandsons, still telling how "Rachel died by me in the land of Canaan on the way." Rashi, the Jewish commentator, explains why she was buried there.

Naomi

Naomi's husband dies in Moab, and about ten years later both her sons: "the woman was bereaved of her two children and of her husband" (Ruth 1:5). When Bethlehem asks, "Is this Naomi?", she answers, "Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara; for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and Yahweh has brought me home again empty." Rashi glosses Mara as "bitter"; Matthew Henry hears grief and affliction in her words, and also cautions against complaint. She said exactly how it felt to people who had known her before, and in chapter 4 the same women bless Yahweh "who has not left you today without a near kinsman," which losing a grandmother follows.

The women who mourned

Rizpah's two sons are put to death, and she spreads sackcloth on the rock "from the beginning of harvest until water poured on them from the sky," keeping the birds off by day and the animals by night, until David has them buried (2 Samuel 21:8-14).

The widow of Nain walks behind "the only son of his mother, and she was a widow," and Jesus sees her and has compassion on her before anyone asks (Luke 7:12-13). The Shunammite's son dies on her knees. She tells her husband "It’s alright" and Elisha's servant "It is well," and says what she feels only to Elisha: "Did I ask you for a son, my lord? Didn’t I say, ‘Do not deceive me’?" In both stories the son is given back as the story ends.

Mary Magdalene stands weeping at the tomb and says to the man she takes for the gardener, "tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away" (John 20:15).

Told to be quiet

When Aaron's sons Nadab and Abihu die, "Aaron held his peace" (Leviticus 10:3). Moses tells Aaron and his remaining sons, priests serving at the Tent of Meeting, not to loosen their hair or tear their clothes, while "the whole house of Israel" is to mourn the burning. Later Aaron speaks for himself: "such things as these have happened to me." Rashi says Aaron was rewarded for his silence, and Matthew Henry reads it as submission under God's hand, both readings of Aaron's own day.

Ezekiel 24 is addressed to one prophet: told that his wife will die, he is to "Sigh, but not aloud," because "Ezekiel will be a sign to you," to the house of Israel. And Job's friends sat with him seven days and nights, and "no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great," a silence what the Bible says about suffering stays with. If you have been told that grieving hard shows weak faith, what the Bible says about grief takes that up. Ezekiel's wider story gives the setting.

When grief wishes it had died

David, over Absalom: "I wish I had died for you" (2 Samuel 18:33). Job: "Why didn’t I die from the womb?" (Job 3:11). The Bible keeps these words. If you feel the same tonight, please reach a person now. In the United States, call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8. In the United Kingdom and Ireland, Samaritans is on 116 123. In Australia, Lifeline is 13 11 14. Anywhere else, Find A Helpline lists lines by country.

Jesus at the tomb

One person asked on Reddit's r/Bible, "why did He weep if He already knew He was about to raise Lazarus?" Seeing Mary and the mourners weeping, Jesus "groaned in the spirit, and was troubled," asked, "Where have you laid him?", and then "Jesus wept." Then, "again groaning in himself," he came to the tomb (John 11:33-38).

Augustine, Latin Catholic, sees his human affection. John Chrysostom, Greek Orthodox, sees his humanity. John Calvin, Reformed, sees anger at death and the misery it brings. Losing a brother reads John 11 in full.

Told that John the Baptist had been killed, Jesus "withdrew from there in a boat, to a deserted place apart" (Matthew 14:13). Fear of death reads his sorrow in Gethsemane.

Elisha, for his teacher

Elisha watches Elijah taken up and cries, "My father, my father, the chariots of Israel and its horsemen!" He tears his clothes in two, then takes up Elijah's mantle and goes back to the Jordan (2 Kings 2:12-13).

Grieving the Holy Spirit

Scripture speaks of God grieving too. Before the flood "it grieved him in his heart" (Genesis 6:6), which regret reads. Ephesians 4:30, "Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit of God," sits in a list about speech and anger that ends, "And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other." Matthew Henry reads it as the Spirit grieved by how believers treat one another, set beside the call to kindness.

For a study or a grief group

Cruse Bereavement Support, a UK charity, says in its peer-group listing, "Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve." For a handout:

Where to go next

The NHS says "Grief and bereavement are natural responses to loss," and to get help if you are struggling to cope. A family doctor (a GP in the UK) is a good first call, alongside a pastor, priest or rabbi. Bereavement support: Cruse Bereavement Support in the United Kingdom, The Compassionate Friends in the United States, Canadian Virtual Hospice in Canada, and Griefline on 1300 845 745 in Australia.

If you are thinking of ending your life, call or text 988 in the United States or 9-8-8 in Canada, call Samaritans on 116 123 in the United Kingdom and Ireland or Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia, and anywhere else use Find A Helpline.

Tonight, read one mourner's passage, then Psalm 34:18 with the verses around it. Bible Nudge can take a line in your own words and return one passage with what surrounds it. Find a passage.