After a hard year, Thanksgiving can make everything that is missing easier to see. There is no right way to keep the day, and being thankful and grieving can sit at the same table without one canceling the other. You can stay an hour, bring a dish, skip the gathering, or change your mind on Thursday morning. In the United States the day falls on November 26 this year; Canada's was October 12.
You may not be bereaved at all. A lost job (Bible verses for losing a job) or a divorce (Bible verses for healing after divorce) can make a year hard too, and those pages stay with those losses. This one speaks mostly to a table with an empty seat, but deciding one thing ahead of time and telling the host fits almost any hard year.
GriefShare, in its Thanksgiving article for people who have lost someone (published November 25, 2025), puts it this way: "Maybe it’s the empty chair at the table or the quiet where laughter used to be." Kenneth J. Doka, writing for the Hospice Foundation of America on holidays after a death (published November 19, 2025), describes "The chair at the holiday dinner that now seems so vacant and empty." If that chair is yours, what follows is for you.
If you only have a minute
The day
There is no right way to keep it. Staying an hour, skipping it, or changing your mind are all on the grief organizations' lists.
One thing to do now
Decide one thing, such as how long to stay, and tell the host before Thursday.
For the table
A short grace that names no one, or one that names the person who is missing.
For a friend
"We are setting a place for you, and you can leave whenever you like."
If the night gets too heavy
Crisis lines for each country are at the bottom of this page.
How do you get through Thanksgiving when you are grieving?
GriefShare lists lighting a candle, sharing a memory, writing a letter, volunteering, changing traditions, skipping a gathering, and changing your mind. It also quotes a participant: "The first Thanksgiving, I just focused on getting through the day." Its page says plainly, "There’s no ‘right’ way to do Thanksgiving when you’re grieving."
Doka's piece tells of Eva, whose husband had died. She traveled separately from her children so she could have some privacy while they stayed with relatives. That is one way to keep the day, and it is not the only one.
The Hospice Foundation of America offers three C's in its common questions page. Choose ways to acknowledge the person, such as "lighting a candle or giving a holiday toast." Communicate what matters to you. Compromise with people whose grief differs from yours.
Hover or tap a row to highlight it. Sort by a column heading; a third click puts the rows back in their original order.
| GriefShare | Light a candle, share a memory, write a letter, volunteer, change a tradition, skip a gathering, change your mind |
| Hospice Foundation of America | Choose, Communicate, Compromise |
| Pathways Center for Grief & Loss | Shorten a visit; ask of each custom, "Would it still be a holiday without it?" |
| The Dougy Center | Keep, change or begin traditions, according to what your family has the capacity to do |
| The Compassionate Friends | Expect lower energy after the death of a child, sibling or grandchild |
Patti Anewalt of Pathways Center for Grief & Loss, writing for the Hospice Foundation of America on peace and joy still being possible (published November 19, 2025), describes shortening a visit, candles, memories, a charitable act and cooking. Of each custom she asks, "Would it still be a holiday without it?"
The Dougy Center says families can keep, change or begin traditions according to what they have capacity to do, and that children may need something different from the adults. Its holiday tip sheet and worksheet has room to plan. The Compassionate Friends writes in Help for the Holidays that when a child, sibling or grandchild has died, "the bereaved usually find their energy levels have fallen."
A place set, and a chair that stays where it is.
Here is an idea of our own, not from any of them. Decide one thing now. It might be how long you will stay, or whether to bring the dish the person used to make. Then tell the host before Thursday, so nobody has to guess on the day.
People who do this work are easy to reach. In the United States, GriefShare, the Hospice Foundation of America, The Dougy Center and The Compassionate Friends all have holiday material. In the United Kingdom, Cruse Bereavement Support is there, and in Australia, Grief Australia. If the hard year was about money, housing, food or work, 211 in the United States and 211 in Canada connect people to local services.
Is there a hardest year of grief, or a hardest month?
People ask this most often after a spouse has died. The Hospice Foundation of America says holidays can be especially hard in the first couple of years, and it also says "Grief does not have a predictable timeline or set of expectations" and that there is "no ‘finish line’ for grief" (Supporting a friend or loved one, published October 4, 2024). Doka's 2025 piece says there is "neither one right way to feel nor one correct way to grieve."
Some of the hardest days are not the ones people expect. The Compassionate Friends prints a parent's line in Surviving the Holidays: "Thanksgiving was tough but Christmas is even harder." A GriefShare participant says, "Just when I think all is well, that’s when the grief shows up." So, if this Thanksgiving goes better than you expected, that does not set the pattern for December. The post on Christmas when you are grieving takes the season ahead, and how long you should grieve according to the Bible takes up the question of time.
Why do some people mourn on Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving is a federal holiday in the United States (5 U.S.C. 6103). Abraham Lincoln's proclamation of October 3, 1863, called for "a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens." The National Archives records that Congress and President Franklin D. Roosevelt fixed the fourth Thursday of November in 1941. Canada's 1957 proclamation named "A Day of General Thanksgiving to Almighty God for the bountiful harvest with which Canada has been blessed."
The harvest gathering of 1621 comes from Edward Winslow's account, which Plimoth Patuxet Museums gives: Wampanoag visitors arrived with five deer, and "for three days we entertained and feasted."
The National Day of Mourning is a different observance. The United American Indians of New England have held it at Plymouth, Massachusetts, on the US Thanksgiving date since 1970. Their historical account tells how Wamsutta Frank James was invited to speak at a 1970 banquet for the 350th anniversary of the Mayflower, how his speech was rejected, and how the gathering that followed became the first National Day of Mourning. The Smithsonian's National Museum of the American Indian keeps a timeline of the holiday.
So, some people give thanks on this day, some mourn, and some do both. Whether you keep the day is your decision, and nobody at the table needs to be told how to feel about its history, Native or not.
What does God say about celebrating Thanksgiving? Scripture does not describe the American holiday. It does record thanksgiving gifts brought to the altar and psalms of thanks, which is where the next section goes.
What does the Bible say about giving thanks in hard times?
Words of thanks in Scripture come from people who still had the loss and from people just out of danger, and both are kept. You can borrow whichever matches where you are.
Psalm 34 opens in praise and later speaks of a broken heart, so praise and hardship share one song:
1 I will bless Yahweh at all times. His praise will always be in my mouth. 2 My soul shall boast in Yahweh. The humble shall hear of it, and be glad. 3 Oh magnify Yahweh with me. Let us exalt his name together.
17 The righteous cry, and Yahweh hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but Yahweh delivers him out of them all.
Read Psalm 34:18 with the verses around it for the setting.
Psalm 116 is spoken by someone who says death threatened and who gives thanks after being rescued. John Calvin reads it as thanks after deliverance and a testimony of dependence:
1 I love Yahweh, because he listens to my voice, and my cries for mercy. 2 Because he has turned his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. 3 The cords of death surrounded me, the pains of Sheol got a hold of me. I found trouble and sorrow. 4 Then I called on Yahweh’s name: “Yahweh, I beg you, deliver my soul.”
Habakkuk 3:17-19 speaks joy with the failed harvest still in view: no figs, no fruit on the vines, and still a voice that says it will rejoice. Bible verses for losing a job quotes it in full.
The dish somebody always made.
Job's first words after his loss are often quoted. Read them with what comes after:
20 Then Job arose, and tore his robe, and shaved his head, and fell down on the ground, and worshiped. 21 He said, “Naked I came out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. Yahweh gave, and Yahweh has taken away. Blessed be Yahweh’s name.” 22 In all this, Job did not sin, nor charge God with wrongdoing.
In Job 3 he laments, and in Job 42:7 God tells the friends they have not spoken rightly. So, the verse above is Job's first response in a longer grief, not the whole of it.
Psalm 100 is a communal song of thanks, and Psalm 136 repeats a refrain of enduring mercy through the whole story of a people. In Jewish practice the todah was a gift of thanks for deliverance, described in the Jewish Encyclopedia, and Birkat HaGomel is the blessing said after surviving danger, with Jewish texts available at Sefaria.
What does "give thanks in everything" mean?
Some readers have had this verse said to them as an instruction. Here it is in its setting:
16 Rejoice always. 17 Pray without ceasing. 18 In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you.
Paul writes to a young church, and "you" is plural. Just before, in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, he writes about their grief for those who had died:
13 But we don’t want you to be ignorant, brothers, concerning those who have fallen asleep, so that you don’t grieve like the rest, who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 15 For this we tell you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will in no way precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with God’s trumpet. The dead in Christ will rise first, 17 then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air. So we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.
The Greek in 5:18 is en panti, "in everything." Ephesians 5:20 has hyper panton, "for everything." Commentators differ on how far to press the difference, and many read 5:18 as thanks given within a circumstance rather than for it. Philippians 4:11-12 adds that Paul writes from prison and says contentment was something he learned, in having little and in having plenty:
11 Not that I speak because of lack, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content in it. 12 I know how to be humbled, and I know also how to abound. In everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to be hungry, both to abound and to be in need.
The post on whether depression is a sin says who Philippians 4:4-7 and 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 were written to.
The traditions speak about thanks side by side:
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| Catholic | "Thanksgiving characterizes the prayer of the Church" and "every event and need can become an offering of thanksgiving" (Catechism 2637-2638) |
| Orthodox | "Glory to thee, O God, for all things!" (Orthodox Church in America), linked with the Akathist of thanksgiving, whose versions differ |
| Jesuit | The Examen begins with gratitude, noticing gifts and God's presence in the day, as a review of the day and not a denial of pain (Ignatian Spirituality) |
| Jewish | Modeh Ani gives thanks on waking for restored life; Baruch dayan ha'emet, "Blessed is the true Judge," is said on hearing of a death, so gratitude and mourning are both voiced |
Bible Nudge's passage for peace belongs here, once and only if it helps. Philippians 4:6-7 is often sent at this time of year, and the Peace record chose John 14:27 because there peace is handed over rather than produced:
Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, give I to you. Don’t let your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful.
Jesus says this on the last evening, hours before the arrest, to frightened friends. It sits between a promise that they will not be left alone and a warning that the world is closing in. It gives peace inside the trouble, not after it. The record asks: "What would change if peace were something handed to you rather than something you have to produce?" Read John 14:27 with the verses around it, or the longer reading in Bible verses for peace of mind.
What can you pray at a table with an empty seat?
If you have been asked to lead grace, or you are the host, a short prayer that names no one asks nobody to feel anything. The Lutheran table prayer, as the ELCA prints it, is "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest. Let these gifts to us be blessed."
The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer (1979) has a Thanksgiving Day proper and separate prayers for the departed. Orthodox families sing "Memory Eternal" for the departed, a prayer of remembrance that is distinct from blessing the food (Orthodox Church in America). In Jewish practice the blessing over bread is said at the table, while mourners say Kaddish in prayer.
A grace in our own wording, for when you want the person named:
God, we thank you for this food and for the people at this table. We miss [name] tonight, and we are glad of every year we had. Be near the ones among us whose hearts are heavy. Amen.
Whoever leads might ask the family first whether to say the name aloud. That is our suggestion, and some tables will want it and some will not.
For the reader who wants to thank God at the end of a hard year, for the day that is ending or for one more year of life, here is a simple shape, also our own. Name one specific thing from the day or the year. Name plainly what is still heavy. Ask for what tomorrow needs. A few lines in your own words are enough. The Catechism line above, that every event and need can become an offering of thanksgiving, sits behind it.
What do you say to someone who is grieving on Thanksgiving?
The Hospice Foundation of America says to "Acknowledge the significance of their loss," to "Listen to stories about the person who died," and to offer "practical and specific help." Its examples include "Can I arrange grocery deliveries for the next month?" and "Do you want me to ask your minister/priest/rabbi to stop by?" (Supporting a friend or loved one). The Compassionate Friends says, "Recognize the holidays have changed for them," and that families often want stories and memories of the person who died.
In our own wording, for a friend or relative: "We are setting a place for you, and you can leave whenever you like." Or: "Tell me about [name] at Thanksgiving. What did they always bring?" Or, for a friend who lives alone: "I am bringing you a plate on Thursday evening, no need to answer the door." More general messages are in what to say to someone who lost a loved one.
Why does "be grateful" land so hard on a grieving person?
The Dougy Center writes that "With the advent of the Thanksgiving holiday there will likely be a surge of advertisements and well-meaning people encouraging us to focus on what we are grateful for in our lives." It names "Count your blessings" and "Cultivate an attitude of gratitude" as lines that can feel far from grief (The Benefits of Gratitude). The Hospice Foundation of America warns against calling a death "for the best," and says, "You do not, and cannot, ‘know exactly how you feel.’" Kate Bowler's Everything Happens for a Reason (Random House, 2018) questions the idea that suffering must have a reason or a purpose.
Studies of gratitude are modest. A 2023 systematic review of gratitude interventions reported a small rise in gratitude scores, with very low certainty, in studies not about bereavement. A 2023 meta-analysis of 25 studies of expressed gratitude reported a small effect (g = 0.22) in mixed samples.
You may recognize something you have said yourself, and that is all right. Here is a better line beside each:
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| "You have so much to be thankful for." | "I know this year took a lot from you. I am glad you are here." |
| "At least you had them for [number] years." | "I miss [name] too. Tell me your favorite Thanksgiving with them." |
| "Give thanks in everything," sent as an instruction | "You don't have to feel thankful today. I am thankful for you." |
| "This year was a gift," or a hard year called a test | "I am so sorry it was this hard." |
The post on what not to say to someone grieving has the "at least" test.
Some people sit in the car for a few minutes first.
Questions people ask
Which psalm is about being thankful? Psalm 100 is a communal song of thanks, and Psalm 136 repeats a refrain of enduring mercy. Psalm 34 and Psalm 116 hold thanks together with hardship.
Is it all right to cry at the table? The Compassionate Friends says, "It is okay to cry." Stepping outside for a few minutes is another choice the grief organizations leave open.
What if I am asked to say grace and am not sure what I believe? The Lutheran table prayer above names no one and asks you to feel nothing. You can also say a sentence of your own, or ask someone else to lead.
Where to go next
Before Thursday, decide one thing about the day and tell the host. If you are leading grace, say the name of the person who is missing, if the family wants that.
If the night gets too heavy, or you are thinking about ending your life, please reach a person tonight. In the United States, call 988, text 988 or chat with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, with help in Spanish at 988 en español. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8 at 988.ca. In the United Kingdom and Ireland, call Samaritans on 116 123. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. In Bogotá, Colombia, Línea 106 answers. Anywhere else, including Spain, Mexico and Argentina, Find A Helpline lists services by country.
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