One woman wrote on Reddit's r/Christians, "As a Christian, I feel a lot of shame for being divorced/a single parent, even though I was not a Christian before or during my marriage." Another wrote on Reddit's r/Christianmarriage, mid-divorce, "I still feel immense guilt and sadness with this divorce process and I pray every day for God to deliver a miracle that would make reconciliation with him truly possible." A reply in the same Reddit thread, from someone eight years on, said "And I hate the “divorced” label. But I’m also so thankful to be free from the abuse." If your ending is only days old, Bible verses for a broken heart is written for those first nights. If you are months or years into it, start with one verse.
If you only have a minute
The passage
Psalm 34:18, once, on the hardest day this week.
If you were cast off
Isaiah 54:6 and 54:10.
If "God hates divorce" was said to you
Malachi 2:13-16, spoken to men who dealt treacherously with their wives.
Psalm 34:18, for an ordinary hard day
17 The righteous cry, and Yahweh hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but Yahweh delivers him out of them all.
Verse 18 speaks of nearness now, with rescue named on either side of it. Because it is in the present tense, it belongs as much to the morning of a hearing, the drive home from a handover, or the week the final order arrives as to the night it ended.
Read it once on whichever day is hardest this week, and stay with one question: What would it mean to let nearness, rather than explanation, be enough today? The broken-heart page reads it beside Psalm 147:3.
Every other weekend.
When it catches you in month nine
A divorce is the loss of somebody still alive, often still in the doorway at every handover. Pauline Boss named this ambiguous loss in her 1999 book of that title, and in an interview with the American Psychological Association she speaks of "a death, or a divorce, or a breakup," and of "living with loss, not getting over it."
The APA's divorce guidance says "The end of a marriage typically unleashes a flood of emotions including anger, grief, anxiety and fear. Sometimes these feelings can rise up when you least expect them, catching you off guard," and that "over time the intensity of these feelings will subside." E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly followed about 1,400 white, middle-class US families over three decades, and the Christian Science Monitor reported that 20 percent of the divorced women in that study were "enhanced," finding abilities they had not known they had.
Isaiah 54, for being cast off
Yahweh speaks through the prophet to Zion, the city spoken of as a wife, as the exiles return: "For Yahweh has called you as a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even a wife of youth, when she is cast off," and "For the mountains may depart, and the hills be removed; but my loving kindness will not depart from you, and my covenant of peace will not be removed." It names the exact state, and sets beside it a kindness that stays when the mountains move. What the Bible says about shame reads verse 4.
Handovers, holidays and the children
Cafcass, which advises family courts in England, says children may "feel caught in the middle of the tension or conflict," "grieve for what they and their parents have lost," or feel "relieved," and that some have "hopes and fantasies about reunification." In a US research summary, the APA says "most children adjust well within two years following the divorce," and links ongoing parental conflict with more difficulty. Childline, a UK service for children, tells them "A divorce or separation is never your fault."
Psalm 68, a song of public praise, calls God "A father of the fatherless, and a defender of the widows," then says, "God sets the lonely in families." Bible verses for the death of a father reads verse 5.
Malachi 2, read in its setting
The prophet speaks to men who cover the altar with tears and ask why God refuses what they bring: "Because Yahweh has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion, and the wife of your covenant." In the World English Bible, verse 16 reads "For I hate divorce”, says Yahweh, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence!" The KJV has "he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment," and some modern translations, such as the ESV and CSB, read the verse's opening as describing the man who divorces his wife; Bible Hub sets them side by side.
Rashi, the Jewish commentator, says the tears on the altar were the wives', who "would come before the altar of the Lord and weep before it, saying, 'What have we sinned?'" (Chabad). Matthew Henry, a Reformed writer, speaks of men "abusing and putting away the wives they had." One commenter on Reddit's r/Christianity noticed the same: "In the very same passage where it says that God hates divorce, it says He hates violence".
If you left an abusive marriage
In that first Reddit thread, the woman who filed wrote "He says I betrayed him and God by filing for divorce, that I’m not a real Christian due to this, and that God is unhappy with me." Pope Francis, in Amoris Laetitia (2016), says respect is owed to the sufferings of those "forced by maltreatment from a husband or a wife to interrupt their life together."
The National Domestic Violence Hotline, in the United States, says ending an abusive relationship "does not usually mean the end of abuse," and that stalking and threats "may even increase after a survivor leaves." Its pages on online harassment and Apple's Safety Check cover a monitored phone, accounts or location, and its site has a quick-exit button. The Hotline is 800-799-7233 in the United States; Refuge's National Domestic Abuse Helpline is 0808 2000 247 in England; the Respect Men's Advice Line is 0808 8010 327 in the UK; 1800RESPECT is 1800 737 732 in Australia; in Canada, the Government of Canada's family-violence directory lists provincial and territorial services. Loneliness in marriage reads the passages used to tell a spouse to stay.
Going back to church
Amoris Laetitia also says "Special discernment is indispensable for the pastoral care of those who are separated, divorced or abandoned," and the Church of England says "we recognise that some marriages do fail for all sorts of sad and painful reasons." Both set these words beside their church's teaching on marriage, and grounds and remarriage are questions for your own pastor or priest, who knows the teaching and your story.
If Matthew 19, Mark 10 or 1 Corinthians 7 was quoted at you: Pharisees "testing him" about divorce "for any reason," the same test in Mark with the disciples asking again "In the house," and Paul answering "the things about which you wrote to me." Take them to the same conversation, or see where three churches stand. A first step back can ask less than a Sunday: a weekday service, a different seat, or a conversation with a pastor first.
Hagar, carrying the child alone
In Genesis 21, Abraham sends Hagar away in the morning with her son, bread and "a bottle of water." The water runs out in the wilderness. She sits "a good way off" from the boy, saying, "Don’t let me see the death of the child," and weeps. "God heard the voice of the boy," and "God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water." For the parent carrying the children alone, that is the scene. Feeling left out reads Hagar in Genesis 16.
The woman whose story was known
In John 4, Jesus tells the Samaritan woman, "you have had five husbands," and the text never says how those marriages ended. She tells her town, "Come, see a man who told me everything that I did," and many believe "because of the word of the woman." The Orthodox Church in America keeps the Sunday of the Samaritan Woman and remembers her as Saint Photina, who went on to preach. John Calvin reads it as Jesus bringing her life into the open. Her whole story was known, and the town listened to her.
If it is your son or daughter
Paul, writing to a church after his own affliction, calls God "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). You could send your adult child Psalm 34:18 with one line of your own; what to say when you do not know what to say has more.
After a handover.
When it needs more than reading
The NHS, in the UK, lists divorce among events that can bring low mood and says "If you have a low mood that lasts 2 weeks or more, it could be a sign of depression," and to see a GP, a family doctor, if you are "struggling to cope with a low mood." Its alcohol page says to see a GP if "you’re worried about your drinking," and that stopping suddenly can be dangerous if you are dependent. Elsewhere, see your own doctor.
Where to go next
If this has turned into thoughts of ending your life, please reach a person tonight. In the United States, call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans is on 116 123. In Australia, Lifeline is 13 11 14 and MensLine Australia is 1300 78 99 78. Anywhere else, Find A Helpline lists services by country.
On the hardest day this week, read Psalm 34:18 with the verses around it once. For anything else you carry, Bible Nudge can take your own words and offer one passage with its setting. Find a passage.
Words that come up here
Tap a term to see what it means.
Ambiguous loss. A loss without clear closure, such as someone gone from your life but still living.