Bible Verses for Sympathy Cards, and What to Write Under Them

What a card can do

Sue Ryder, a UK bereavement charity, says "Bereaved people have told us that getting letters or cards is especially helpful." Its bereavement lead, Bianca Neumann, remembers a card from work after her mother died as "something familiar and normal. People were thinking about me." What's Your Grief notes that "Many people keep all the sympathy cards they receive and find comfort in them during their grief," and puts a specific memory, or a quality of the person who died, ahead of a long printed message. Sue Ryder is honest too: a card "will not take away the pain." What it carries is that somebody was thinking of them, and that does not depend on perfect words.

Psalm 34:18, the verse to write

Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.

In the King James Version, which many people want in a card:

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Yahweh is the personal name of God in the Hebrew Bible, which the King James prints as "the LORD." Psalm 34 is a song of praise formed in hardship. Verses 17 and 19, on either side, speak of deliverance and give no timescale. Verse 18 fits on a card, names the grief without explaining it, and asks nothing of the person reading it. What to say to someone who lost a loved one suggests it too.

The line under the verse

The verse is borrowed; the line under it is yours, and often what the person remembers. One order that works: the name of the person who died, one true thing about them or a memory, the verse, and a closing that asks nothing back. Swap in your own details:

• A close friend: "Ruth made everybody at that table feel welcome, me included. I am so sorry. No need to write back."
• A colleague: "I am so sorry about your dad. I remember how you lit up talking about his fishing trips. Thinking of you."
• A neighbor: "We will miss seeing Frank out with the roses every summer. We are next door whenever you want us."

Sue Ryder suggests a card can say, "When you feel ready to turn towards life again, there are people waiting who have been thinking about you." For a group card from an office or a church, one short line each is enough. The card Bianca Neumann remembers came "from everyone at work."

No rush to fill the white space.

When you do not know what they believe

What's Your Grief is plain that "if they are not religious, a very religious card may not be the best fit." Love Lives On's card etiquette sheet says, "Be sensitive about expressing strong religious beliefs if you are unsure of the faith of the person you are writing to." People on Reddit have said it from the receiving end. One asked on r/etiquette, "Why not just send a basic sympathy card when you know I'm not religious?" Another wrote on r/exchristian, "I was so frustrated at the amount of cards that talked about god, praying, and Bible verses printed on them." A card maker on r/RandomActsofCards put it kindly: "I don’t just send out religious cards randomly cause you never know who’d like one :)"

Three paths, then. If you share their faith, write the verse. If you do not know, write a line of your own and leave Scripture out. Between the two, offer the verse as your own reading: "I have been reading Psalm 34:18 and thinking of you." Put that way, it arrives as company. A reply in that r/NoStupidQuestions thread on Reddit is a fair summary: "Obviously don't put anything antireligion, but just express how sorry you are about their mom's death."

Other verses that suit a card

Each has a speaker worth knowing.

• Matthew 5:4. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, to his disciples and the crowds.
• 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction." Paul and Timothy to the church in Corinth; it suits a sender who has grieved too.
• Numbers 6:24-26. "Yahweh bless you, and keep you," or in the King James, "The LORD bless thee, and keep thee." The blessing Aaron and his sons were given to speak over Israel; it closes a card well.
• Romans 12:15. "Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep." Paul to the church in Rome, for a card that says you grieve alongside them.
• John 14:27. "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you." Jesus to his disciples the night before his death; Bible verses for peace of mind reads it.
• Psalm 147:3 in its setting. "He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds." From a hymn about a scattered people brought home.

Verses to think twice about

The site's notes on grief set aside three verses often printed in sympathy cards. Romans 8:28, "all things work together for good," asks somebody days into a loss to find the good in it; John Calvin, from the Reformed tradition, read it as providence for "those who love God," not a claim that every event is good. Revelation 21:4 describes a future state and can read as an instruction to skip ahead; Matthew Henry read the chapter as the church's future happiness. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 can sound like a rule about grieving correctly, though it runs on to "so that you don’t grieve like the rest, who have no hope," and the Catholic bishops' notes set it within the hope of resurrection. The notes on fear set aside Isaiah 41:10, which opens with a command not to be afraid.

A fellow believer who knows these passages may welcome 1 Thessalonians 4 or Revelation 21. For everybody else, Psalm 34:18 asks less.

Words from the family's own tradition

When the family belongs to a church, borrow its words. The Orthodox Church in America's memorial prayer asks God to "make his/her memory be eternal," and the faithful sing "Memory eternal," a line an Orthodox family will know. The Church of England's funeral service prays, "Father, you know our hearts and share our sorrows." A Catholic diocesan guide adapted from the Order of Christian Funerals prays "look with love on your people who mourn." Each suits a card within that tradition.

If the death was by suicide

Samaritans advises, "Let them know you are there for them, whatever the circumstances," and "Don’t try and come up with reasons for a suicide or place the blame on anyone." The WHO and IASP explain that "committed suicide" "implies criminality" and adds to the stigma carried by people bereaved this way, and IASP recommends "died by suicide." Otherwise the card does what any card does: name the person, say you are sorry, share a memory. In the United Kingdom, Samaritans and Cruse run Facing the Future groups, and Bible verses for a sudden death covers this loss.

A late card still counts

What's Your Grief observes that "one year after the loss many grievers are faced with silence. Very few people remember the date or to check in with them." Sue Ryder adds, "Each person’s grief will be different, and what they need may change as the days, weeks, months and years pass." If you missed the funeral, send the card anyway, with a line saying you have been thinking of them.

Weeks later is not too late to send it.

See also marking the anniversary of a death, what to say to someone whose parent died, and what not to say to someone grieving.

Questions people ask

Can a card be hard to receive? Bianca Neumann told Sue Ryder that soon after her mother's death "The words felt strange and alien," yet the printed line "Each morning is a new day" stayed with her.

Which verse is printed most on sympathy cards? Psalm 34:18 turns up often. A Greeting Card Universe card carries it, and Naomi Paper Co. sells one "inspired by Psalm 34:18." If the card already prints it, make your line about the person.

Does the translation matter? Use the one the family is most likely to know. The complaints people have posted are about religious wording sent without knowing the recipient, not about a translation.

Where to go next

If your own grief has grown too heavy, or you are worried about the person you are writing to, reach a person: in the United States, call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline; in Canada, call or text 9-8-8; in the UK and Republic of Ireland, Samaritans is on 116 123; in Australia, Lifeline is 13 11 14; in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the Cruse helpline is 0808 808 1677; and anywhere else, the IASP directory or Befrienders Worldwide lists lines by country.

Read Psalm 34:18 with the verses around it, then copy it into the card under a line of your own.

If what you are carrying is something else, Bible Nudge can take a line about it in your own words and come back with one passage and what surrounds it. Find a passage.