Send something tonight, and keep it short. One person who had been through it put it plainly on Reddit's r/Layoffs: "Reach out. Does not matter how. Support from peers helps get you through the initial shock." Another in the same thread wrote, "I was unexpectedly fired once almost a decade ago and I still have the texts and emails from former colleagues, most of which are still friends."
One recipient shared the text a former coworker sent, on Reddit's r/careerguidance: "I'm really sorry. No one thinks it was right... I know how much you cared about doing a good job and how much effort you put in." Of that message she wrote, "That actually boosted my spirits today". It is sorry, it takes their side, and it remembers something true about their work.
If you only have a minute
Tonight
One text: sorry, on their side, one true thing about their work.
Add an offer
Something with a day in it, and no reply needed.
Hold advice
Ask first whether they want it.
Pray it
Romans 15:13, once, with their name in it.
A first text you can send as it is
These are this site's own wording, built from what that r/Layoffs thread on Reddit says helped.
- "I'm so sorry this happened. I still think about our coffee walks. Thinking of you." Use your own
memory. One Reddit commenter's advice: say sorry, name one thing you remember, "and leave it at that."
- "No need to reply. Can I bring dinner over on Thursday?"
- "If it would help, I'd be glad to write you a reference." Another there said,
"Definitely reach out and write a reference on LinkedIn."
Keep advice for later. A commenter on Reddit's r/Adulting called this some of the best advice they had been given: "Do you want advice or do you want to vent?"
If they want something to read, Bible verses for losing a job is written for them.
A prayer to pray first, or to send with it
Bible Nudge's passage for hope is Romans 15:13, a prayer written for somebody else, shown here with the verses before it:
10 Again he says, “Rejoice, you Gentiles, with his people.” 11 Again, “Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles! Let all the peoples praise him.” 12 Again, Isaiah says, “There will be the root of Jesse, he who arises to rule over the Gentiles; in him the Gentiles will hope.” 13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, in the power of the Holy Spirit.
The chapter opens with a call to carry one another: "Let each one of us please his neighbor for that which is good, to be building him up." Paul closes that call to a patient, welcoming community with this prayer: that hope be given to someone who cannot make it for themselves. The building up is your part.
Pray it once for them by name before sending the text. Then hold the question paired with Romans 15:13 on their behalf: "Where do you most need hope to be given rather than generated?"
A short message, sent tonight.
What they lost besides the pay
Research going back to the 1930s Marienthal study of an Austrian village whose mill closed describes what work gives besides income: a shape to the day, regular contact outside the family, a share in a common purpose, status and identity, and something to do. Across 104 studies, McKee-Ryan and colleagues (2005) found lower well-being among unemployed people on average, with social, financial and time-structure resources among the things most tied to their mental health.
Our own ideas that answer that list: a walk the same morning each week, coffee with people from the old workplace, a job at church they are good at.
If you kept your job, or gave the news
A health impact assessment of layoffs in Ohio cites research finding that people more directly involved in downsizing, including those who gave the news, reported more stress and more of what organizational writers call "survivor syndrome."
If their work account has gone, that r/Layoffs commenter on Reddit advised: "Start with a text if you have the cell, email if you have a personal email." A colleague can offer a LinkedIn reference; a manager, later, a short personal message kept apart from anything official.
At home, and at fifty-eight
The poster in that r/Adulting thread wrote that "her dad lost his job (He is the breadwinner of the family)," and a commenter there, on Reddit, described what they needed: "if I have a really big problem I get really irritated when people try to 'solve it' instead of simply acknowledging it and making me realise they are there for me". Paul and Moser (2009), across 237 cross-sectional and 87 longitudinal studies, found more distress among unemployed people on average, and more among men than women in their combined data. That is an average, not a forecast. One idea: keep one ordinary thing at home exactly as it was, the Friday meal or the evening walk.
For a friend let go at fifty-eight, McDonald and colleagues (2007) interviewed 30 Canadian job seekers aged 45 to 65. Those who met age labeling began to feel old and question their worth. In the first week, tell your friend exactly what they are good at.
Kind lines that land hard, and what to say instead
A poster on Reddit's r/recruitinghell collected replies to a job-loss post: "I promise you will be grateful in time." and "everything happens for a reason." A commenter there added, “Nothing worse than an invalidating "well" or "at least" statement”. Try "This is rotten, and I am sorry."
AARP's writer, from his own job loss, names "Everything happens for a reason" and "Where one door closes, another one opens." Say "You were good at that job" instead. (New beginnings reads "when God closes a door.")
Tips can wait. In that r/careerguidance thread on Reddit, a résumé suggestion drew this: "Thanks for reminding me that I have yet another deficiency". Ask the advice-or-vent question first.
Boaz, and the extra left in the field
Ruth 2 shows help without shame. Ruth, a widow from Moab, gleans in Boaz's field. He keeps her near his maidens, has told the young men not to touch her, lets her drink and eat at the meal, then orders his men:
Let her glean even among the sheaves, and don’t reproach her. Also pull out some for her from the bundles, and leave it. Let her glean, and don’t rebuke her.
The law in Leviticus 19:9-10 and Deuteronomy 24:19-22 left the corners of the field and the forgotten sheaf "for the foreigner, for the fatherless, and for the widow." Jewish commentary at Sefaria and Matthew Henry on Leviticus 19 read the gleanings as provision for the poor. Boaz gives you a way of helping that keeps dignity whole. Today that might be a fuel card, a grocery delivery, or dinner described as leftovers. (Moving to a new place reads Ruth's question to Boaz as a foreigner.)
Leftovers, as far as anyone needs to know.
Three short passages for anyone with something to give
James writes about someone hungry who is told, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled" and given nothing (James 2:14-17). John writes to his "little children": "let’s not love in word only, or with the tongue only, but in deed and truth" (1 John 3:16-18). Proverbs 3:27 speaks to the one who has it "in the power of your hand to do it." Together they are a reason to make the practical offer today, in proportion to what you have.
If you went quiet, and for the morning after
Job says, "To him who is ready to faint, kindness should be shown from his friend," then compares his brothers to streams that run full in winter and vanish in the dry season, where "The caravans of Tema looked" and found nothing (Job 6:14-21). Scripture says what it is like when friends disappear, and you can answer it by turning up now. (Losing a job reads Job's friends; when you do not know what to say is for a silence weeks old.)
In John 21, the disciples go fishing, and "That night, they caught nothing." At dawn Jesus asks, "Children, have you anything to eat?" and after the catch he has a fire going with fish and bread: "Come and eat breakfast." Cornelius a Lapide, a Catholic commentator, reads it among the resurrection appearances. After an empty night, tired men were offered a question about food and a meal already cooking, which a friend can copy any morning.
For a pastor or a church
Pope John Paul II, in Laborem Exercens (1981), says work is "for man" and not man "for work." The Reformed Heidelberg Catechism reads the eighth commandment as asking a person to "work faithfully so that I may be able to give to those in need" (Q. 111). Christians Against Poverty runs Job Clubs through UK churches, which its evidence to Parliament says give "practical tools to find work" and help rebuild "confidence and self-esteem." (Financial hardship reads Maimonides on finding someone work.) If a member has stopped coming, call or visit and ask after the family.
Questions about money and rights
Notice, severance, benefits and the reasons for a dismissal belong with a local adviser. In the UK, GOV.UK lists Citizens Advice among its free services, and England's National Careers Service says, "If you’re made redundant or unemployed, you might feel anxious about the future." Offer to help find the right service; the financial hardship page lists free debt services by country.
Where to go next
If you are worried how your friend is coping, Samaritans names unemployment and unmanageable debt among the pressures it sees. Share a route: call or text 988 in the United States, 9-8-8 in Canada, Samaritans on 116 123 in the United Kingdom and Ireland, Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia, and Find A Helpline for everywhere else.
Tonight, send one text that is sorry, takes their side, remembers something true, and carries one offer with a day in it. For a passage of your own, Bible Nudge takes a line in your words and suggests one. Find a passage.
Words that come up here
Tap a term to see what it means.
Gleaning. Gathering what reapers leave behind, which Israel's law left for people without land.