The offer a caregiver can most easily accept has a task and a day already in it. The Family Caregiver Alliance, in the US, records the common offer "Let me know if I can help you," and says caregivers (carers, in the UK and Australia) can find help hard to accept, feeling that caring is their responsibility alone or that accepting help is failure. AARP's Amy Goyer gathered caregivers' own suggestions in 2020, and three work as they are:
Each names a task or a time and leaves the caregiver nothing to organize or answer. A December 2025 post on Reddit's r/CaregiverSupport explains why: "We’re too tired to figure out what we need, articulate it, and then ask someone who might say no."
- "What time next week is good for me to stop by so you can get a few hours away?"
- "Let me cook a few meals for you and your dad. What are your favorite foods?"
- "You don’t need to call/text me back, I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you."
The short version
Tonight
One offer with a named task and day, no reply needed.
For a card
Isaiah 40:11, with one line saying what you will do and when.
From far away
Take over the calls, pay for a sitting service, or come for a named week.
A verse for the card
You who tell good news to Zion, go up on a high mountain. You who tell good news to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with strength. Lift it up. Don’t be afraid. Say to the cities of Judah, “Behold, your God!” Behold, the Lord Yahweh will come as a mighty one, and his arm will rule for him. Behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him. He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will gather the lambs in his arm, and carry them in his bosom. He will gently lead those who have their young.
Isaiah 40:11, with verses 9 and 10 before it, in the World English Bible. The chapter describes God returning to a people worn out by a long ordeal. The verse does not stop at the lambs, and it puts the ones responsible for them among those handled gently.
Bible Nudge keeps a question with this verse: "Who is looking after you while you look after them?" You can answer it yourself, with your own name and a day of the week. One idea from us: write the verse in the card with one line underneath, such as "Thursday afternoon is mine." The post on verses for dementia caregivers reads the same verse for the caregiver.
A space left for the day you offer.
Kind sentences, and what to say instead
Every one of these was said by somebody who cared. AARP pairs "Just let me know if you need anything" with a specific offer. It says "You are a saint" and "Your reward for caregiving will be in heaven" can suggest the caregiver is superhuman and needs nothing now, and gives in their place: "Thank you for what you are doing. It must be very challenging at times, but you keep forging ahead, and I admire you for that. I’d like to do X, Y or Z to support you." For "You look really tired. You really need to take care of yourself.", it offers a break.
UNC Health Talk (2022) says "Whatever you need me to do, just call me" hands the caregiver the work of thinking of something. Reader's Digest Canada lists "God never gives us more than we can handle" and "I could never do what you do" under "Be careful with." Try instead: "This is a lot, and I'd like to carry some of it on Tuesday."
Words for where they are now
For a parent with dementia, AARP's line is "I would be happy to stay with her for a while so you can have a break. How about next Saturday, or is there a better time?" For the long middle, the thinking-of-you line with no reply needed. For a caregiver whose person is dying, a card company's wording from Hallmark (2024): "I’d like to take a little something off your plate. When would be a good night to bring you dinner?"
Asked how they were, one person answered in a November 2023 thread on Reddit's r/CaregiverSupport: "I want to say I'm doing okay, but I'm not." Our suggestion: ask about one thing, like last night or Tuesday's appointment.
If you are the sibling far away
AARP gives two lines from caregivers: "I think it’s unfair that you are providing the majority of the care for Dad. That must be frustrating." and "Let’s set up a schedule and come up with ways that I can take on more responsibilities." Deborah Merrill's 1996 study of 40 adult children and children-in-law caring for a parent found that who helps often follows the family's earlier history. Suitor and colleagues (2018) report an association between sibling criticism and depressive symptoms among the adult children they studied.
Some ideas of ours: take over the calls to the pharmacy or the council, pay for a sitting service, or come for a named week. Or offer to arrange support: in England, a carer's assessment under section 10 of the Care Act 2014, which is the caregiver's own; in the United States, the National Family Caregiver Support Program, which funds state services; in Australia, Carer Gateway counseling and planned and emergency respite; and in the UK, Carers Trust sitting and befriending services, which "give carers the opportunity to spend a few hours away."
Two people and a stone
But Moses’ hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side. His hands were steady until sunset.
Exodus 17:12, from Israel's battle with Amalek. Matthew Henry, a Protestant commentator, describes the two supporting Moses' hands when they were heavy. The Mishnah, as Sefaria presents it beside the passage, turns attention to Israel looking upward. The scene gives you two people and a stone, each taking one side, until sunset. Two friends could split it that way, one taking the meals and one the Saturday afternoons.
One side each.
A word for thanking them
Of three men from Corinth, Paul writes, "that which was lacking on your part, they supplied. For they refreshed my spirit and yours." (1 Corinthians 16:17-18), and to Philemon, "the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother." (Philemon 1:7). You can write that word to a caregiver by name. A comment AARP reproduced in 2025 from its family caregivers' group on Facebook says, "A simple moment to pause and say thank you can go a really long way!"
Galatians 6:2, written to the people around them
Paul writes to "Brothers" and "you who are spiritual": "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Enduring Word, an evangelical commentary, reads these as heavy burdens, more than one person should carry, and verse 5, "For each man will bear his own burden," as a person's own load. Reformed Homiletics, a Reformed source, reads burden-bearing as a concrete fulfillment of Christ's law. The verse is for the people around a caregiver, which is you.
One hour
In Gethsemane Jesus said, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here, and watch with me." Finding his friends asleep, he asked, "What, couldn’t you watch with me for one hour?" Matthew Henry reads it as a call to watchfulness. The request is for company, one hour of it, which you can offer a caregiver on a named evening. The friends who slept were asked again, which is company for you if weeks have gone by.
When the caring ends
When caring ends, the visits often stop. In a November 2025 thread on Reddit's r/CaregiverSupport, a husband caring for his wife passed on what his son told him: "Grief will come in time but not right away because of the relief of no longer being in the nightmare of caregiving for your spouse." Caregivers describe relief beside grief and guilt, so leave room for all three: "However this feels, I'm coming on Wednesday." Another caregiver on Reddit called the emptiness afterwards "caregiver's void", a phrase from her social worker. Our suggestion is a visit in the second or third week, when the meals stop. What to say to someone who lost a loved one has words for after a death, and what to say when you do not know what to say helps when weeks have passed.
When they need more than a friend
In the UK survey State of Caring 2024, 80 percent of unpaid carers expected the impact of caring on their physical or mental health to be a main challenge in the year ahead. Pass on a number, or ring it with them: the Carers UK Adviceline on 0808 808 7777 in the UK, with Carers Trust's finder for local services; the Family Caregiver Alliance's CareNav in the United States; Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737 in Australia; and provincial and condition-specific services in Canada.
If a visit leaves you worried for anyone's safety, call first: Hourglass on 0808 808 8141 in the UK; the Eldercare Locator on 1-800-677-1116 in the United States, which connects callers to Adult Protective Services; the Canadian Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse in Canada; and 1800ELDERHelp on 1800 353 374 in Australia.
Questions people ask
What if I offered and never heard back? Offer again with a day in it, since a time to pick is easier to answer.
Where to go next
If you are worried about how a caregiver is coping, call or text 988 in the United States or 9-8-8 in Canada; Samaritans on 116 123 in the United Kingdom and Ireland; Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia; and Find A Helpline everywhere else.
Send one offer with a day in it tonight, with Isaiah 40:11 underneath if you want a verse. Bible Nudge can find a passage for you, too, with the verses around it. Find a passage.
Words that come up here
Tap a term to see what it means.
Carer. The UK and Australian word for an unpaid caregiver.