Does God Hate Me?

Does God love or hate me?

Each of the main traditions answers this in its own words, and each is worth hearing as it stands. The Catechism says that Israel discovered God had "only one reason to reveal himself to Israel, a single motive for all he does: his sheer gratuitous love" (paragraph 218), and that God "has made himself known as ‘abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness’" (paragraph 231).

The Westminster Confession, a Reformed statement of faith, holds two things together in chapter 2. God is "most loving, gracious, merciful, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin," and also "most just and terrible in his judgments." John Calvin, in the Institutes (book III, chapter 2), calls faith "a firm and certain knowledge of God’s benevolence toward us," and he writes there that believers can still be shaken by fear and doubt.

Jewish readers return often to Exodus 34:6-7. Its setting is Moses back on the mountain after the golden calf, the people's great failure in the wilderness, when God passes by and proclaims his own name as merciful, gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness and truth. Sefaria sets these verses beside that story. The same words come back in a psalm of praise, Psalm 103:8-9: "Yahweh is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in loving kindness. He will not always accuse; neither will he stay angry forever."

Words like wrath, hate and love carry different meanings in different traditions. Wrath can mean judgment, the consequence of breaking a covenant, or love felt as pain by someone who refuses it. The traditions disagree about God's anger, and every one of them describes his love.

The feeling takes different shapes. "God doesn't love me" often reaches wider than "God hates me," and "God has abandoned me" speaks of absence rather than hostility. Each of those feelings has a place in the sections below.

Does God hate me when I sin? What the "hate" verses are about

You may have read one of these verses and taken it as being about you. Each one was answering something particular, and its setting is worth knowing.

"Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated" comes first in Malachi 1:1-5, in a dispute about Israel and Edom, two neighboring peoples named after two brothers. Paul quotes it in Romans 9:13, inside an argument about election and mercy. Jewish readers, as Sefaria presents Malachi, read Jacob and Esau there as the nations of Israel and Edom. Some Reformed readers read Romans 9 as election that includes individuals, and other Christian readers take the word as rejection, a lesser preference, or a covenant role. These readings stand side by side.

Psalm 5:4-6 is a prayer for protection from violent and deceitful enemies, and Psalm 11:4-7 is a psalm about the violent. Proverbs 6:16-19 lists seven things the Lord hates, among them a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, and one who stirs up conflict. It is a list of conduct, the kind of harm people do to one another, set out in a book of teaching about how to live.

Jesus uses the word too. In Luke 14:25-27 he says a disciple must "hate" father and mother, and many commentators read this as an idiom of priority, putting one loyalty first, rather than a call to despise a family.

The words themselves carry more than one meaning. The Hebrew sane can mean hate, oppose, reject or be an enemy of, in the Brown-Driver-Briggs lexicon at Blue Letter Bible. The Greek miseo can mean hate, reject, or love less in a comparison, as Bible Hub sets it out.

"God hates the sin and loves the sinner" is a later Christian formula rather than a sentence in the Bible. Some people find comfort in it, and some find it hollow when the sin feels like part of who they are. If a verse frightened you, each one here gives you the question it was answering, about violence, about two nations, about a disciple's loyalties, so you can read it in its own place.

What to do when it feels like God is against you

People in the Bible said exactly this to God, and the Bible kept their words. Job, in Job 16:6-14 and 19:6-12, says God has broken him and surrounded him. The book records this as Job's speech inside a long argument with friends who read his losses as punishment, and is it a sin to be angry with God reads how the book ends for those friends.

Lamentations 3:1-18 is a poem written after Jerusalem fell, describing affliction and prayer that seems shut out. Near its lowest point the speaker says, "You have removed my soul far away from peace. I forgot prosperity." A few verses later the poem turns to remembered mercy: "It is because of Yahweh’s loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassion doesn’t fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness."

Psalm 38:1-8 is a prayer from bodily pain, spoken under a sense of God's rebuke. Psalm 88 ends in darkness with no turn at all, and Bible verses for feeling far from God reads it slowly.

If you are asking why an anxiety or a long trouble stays, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 may sit near that. Paul asks three times for a "thorn in the flesh" to be taken away, and it stays. The answer he records is about grace in weakness: "My grace is sufficient for you."

What these give you is company: people the Bible honors who said this to God and kept speaking to him, and words already in Scripture for saying it to him directly. One idea of our own: take the loss or the long trouble itself, not only the question, to a pastor or priest who will hear all of it.

Does God care if you cry?

The Bible speaks about tears more than once. In Psalm 56:8, a psalmist in danger asks God to keep his tears and count his wanderings. In John 11:33-36, Jesus sees Mary and the mourners weeping over Lazarus, is deeply moved, and then, in two words, "Jesus wept." Isaiah 63:9 speaks of God sharing his people's distress and carrying them.

Other passages speak of love directly, each to a particular people at a particular time. In Zephaniah 3:14-20, spoken to Jerusalem after judgment, God rejoices over his people: "He will rejoice over you with joy. He will calm you in his love. He will rejoice over you with singing." Isaiah 49:13-16, spoken to Zion in exile, compares God's care to a mother who cannot forget her nursing child. In Jeremiah 31:1-4, at the restoration of Israel, God says, "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love. Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness."

In the letters, Romans 5:6-11 speaks of love shown while people were still sinners, and 1 John 4:7-21 speaks of love that comes from God. Some commentators keep these words with the people they were first spoken to, and others draw personal comfort from them; both readings stand. Romans 8:31-39 is read at length in have I committed the unforgivable sin.

If you have seen lists of "three signs that God is with you," these passages work differently. They offer images of a God who weeps, remembers and rejoices, to read slowly, with no test to pass. The Hebrew words behind them carry the same warmth: chesed, steadfast covenant love; racham, compassion; and shakach, to forget, the word Isaiah uses when he says a mother cannot.

Words for tonight, from Psalm 25

Psalm 25 is a prayer of David asking God for attention, guidance and mercy. In verses 16 and 17 the speaker describes his own condition and asks God to look at him, and the psalm keeps asking. In the World English Bible:

Turn to me, and have mercy on me, for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged. Oh bring me out of my distresses.

The King James Version:

Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.

It gives you the plain word desolate, already in the Bible, and a request to be turned toward, in your own voice, asking nothing of you first. You can read Psalm 25:16-17 with the verses around it, and what the Bible says about loneliness reads the whole psalm.

Since the word hate brought you here, one more line. Verse 19 says, "Consider my enemies, for they are many. They hate me with cruel hatred." In its setting it is David's report about people who were against him, which is why the passage this site offers stops at verse 17.

Read verses 16 and 17 once, slowly, and hold one question: "If you could ask for one thing to be noticed today, what would it be?"

Why do I feel like I hate myself? Depression, a harsh image of God, and religious OCD

Many people also ask why they feel they hate themselves, and sometimes the fear that God hates you and the feeling of hating yourself arrive together. What follows is information, given so you can recognize something and take it to a person who can help.

The National Institute of Mental Health lists among the signs of depression "feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness" and "feelings of hopelessness or pessimism." The NHS lists "feeling hopeless and helpless," "having low self-esteem" and "feeling guilt-ridden," and describes symptoms that can last weeks or months and get in the way of work, social life and family life. The World Health Organization names guilt and low self-worth among the symptoms of depression.

The International OCD Foundation describes scrupulosity as "a subtype of obsessive compulsive disorder involving religious or moral obsessions," and lists fears of offending or angering God among them. Is it a sin to be afraid quotes its packet for clergy.

The image of God a person carries often comes from somewhere. The Baylor Religion Survey of 2005, a national sample of US adults, reported that about 31 percent held an "Authoritative" image of God and 16 percent a "Critical" one, both of them judgmental. Those figures describe a population, not you. A person raised under a punishing image of God can carry it long after leaving the home or church that taught it, and counselors see this and help people with it.

If you hate yourself, two passages may sit near that. In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus gives the command to love your neighbor "as yourself," and Christian writers in Spanish and English read it as asking a person to treat themselves as someone worth care. In Psalm 139:13-16, a psalmist marvels at being made, formed and known before birth.

If any of this has brought thoughts of ending your life, in the United States call 988 or text 988, in Canada call or text 9-8-8, in the UK and Ireland call Samaritans on 116 123, in Australia call Lifeline on 13 11 14, and anywhere else use Find A Helpline.

Who to talk to

Different people help with different parts of this. A priest, pastor or rabbi is the person for what a passage means and for praying with you. A doctor or therapist is the person when the feeling is persistent, when guilt, worthlessness or hopelessness fill most days, or when thoughts of death come, which the National Institute of Mental Health names as reasons for professional attention.

If religious fear is part of it, the International OCD Foundation describes a person, an OCD-trained therapist and a trusted religious leader working together, and its Find Help directory lists therapists. In England, you can search NHS talking therapies near you. In the UK, OCD Action and OCD-UK support people with OCD.

If the fear came from somebody who hurt you, at home or in a church, Bible verses for loneliness in marriage lists domestic abuse services by country.

One sentence of our own to bring to whichever person you choose: "I have started to believe God hates me, and I would like help with that." It is enough to begin, and the person can ask the rest.

What lands badly, and what to say instead

This part is for you, and for the friend, parent or spouse who has just heard somebody say "God hates me." Some lines wound even when they are meant well, and you may recognize one you have said yourself. C. S. Lewis, in A Grief Observed (1961), written after his wife died, described the sense of "a door slammed in your face," which gives some idea of how far away God can feel to somebody who believes.

If the person you love mentions wanting to die, stay with them and reach a crisis line together, with the numbers at the bottom of this page.

Questions people ask

These come up often alongside the main question, and each answer adds something the sections above leave out.

Does God hate me because I keep sinning?

Psalm 103, a psalm of praise, describes God this way: "He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor repaid us for our iniquities." Christian traditions differ on sin and judgment, and the psalm gives you words that describe mercy rather than a tally. If a particular sin keeps coming back, a pastor or priest can talk it through with you.

Why does reassurance not stick?

The International OCD Foundation lists reassurance-seeking, repeated prayer, repeated confession and mental review among the compulsions of scrupulosity. If you find yourself asking the same question again and again and the answer never holds, an OCD-trained therapist is the person to tell.

Can I pray if I think God hates me?

Yes. Job, the speaker in Lamentations and the psalmists prayed while feeling exactly this, and their prayers are kept in Scripture. Psalm 25:16-17 is short enough to pray as it stands.

What if God rejected me before I was born?

That fear usually comes from reading Romans 9 or Malachi 1. Jewish readers take Jacob and Esau there as two nations, and Christian traditions read the passage in several ways, none of which names you. A pastor or priest from your own tradition can go through it with you.

Where to go next

If you are thinking about ending your life, reach a person tonight. In the United States, call 988, text 988 or chat with the 988 Lifeline, with help in Spanish at 988 en español. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8. In the United Kingdom and Ireland, call Samaritans on 116 123. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

In Spain, call the 024 line on 024. In Mexico, call the Línea de la Vida on 800 911 2000. In Argentina, call the national mental-health support line on 0800 999 0091. In Colombia, call Línea 106 on 106. Anywhere else, Find A Helpline lists services by country.

Tonight, read Psalm 25:16-17 once as your own prayer. This week, say the sentence "I have started to believe God hates me" to one person, a doctor, a pastor or a friend.

Bible Nudge offers one passage with the verses around it, for whatever you are carrying. Find a passage.