Bible Verses for Waiting for a Spouse: How Long, and Whether to Pray for One

A prayer that asks how long

For a wait, the passage Bible Nudge offers is Psalm 13:1-2:

How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart every day? How long shall my enemy triumph over me?

The psalm goes on:

3 Behold, and answer me, Yahweh, my God. Give light to my eyes, lest I sleep in death; 4 Lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed against him”; Lest my adversaries rejoice when I fall. 5 But I trust in your loving kindness. My heart rejoices in your salvation.

"How long" comes four times, and the psalm lets the question stand as a prayer. Your question is already in Scripture, said out loud to God, and you are welcome to say it the same way, however long your own wait has been. Waiting on God's timing reads the psalm for a wait of years, and waiting on God when nothing is happening reads it for an ordinary day.

Something to do with it: read verses 1 and 2 as your own prayer, naming what you want in plain words. Then answer one question in a line: what have you been waiting for longer than you expected?

A table with room for two.

Is it all right to pray for a husband or a wife?

One man wrote on Reddit's r/Christianity, "I know this is really a selfish thing to pray for, but I really want a wife." Paul answers the question in 1 Corinthians 7. He advises staying as you are "because of the distress that is on us," and then says plainly, "But if you marry, you have not sinned." The Catholic Catechism calls virginity for the kingdom and marriage two ways of expressing the one covenant (1620), and John Calvin, on the same chapter, treats marriage as God-given too.

Proverbs 13:12 names the ache: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when longing is fulfilled, it is a tree of life." It is a proverb describing what longing does, which is why the site's Hope record kept it for a waiting reader.

Psalm 37:4, the verse most often sent

"Also delight yourself in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart." David speaks to people tempted to fret over evildoers who prosper, in a psalm about the land and about waiting, and three verses later says, "Rest in Yahweh, and wait patiently for him." Matthew Henry reads the desires as those of a heart made to delight in God. The Catholic Haydock commentary ties the promise to holy desires, and David Guzik at Enduring Word says delight changes what a person desires.

Two readers in one Reddit thread on r/TrueChristian disagree. One wrote, "No where in the Bible does it say that God promises someone to meet their spouse..." and another answered, "God does promise to give us the desires of our heart, and wanting a spouse is definitely a desire of our heart."

Three households in Genesis and Ruth

Each of these scenes belongs to its own household. In Genesis 24, Abraham's servant, sent to find a wife for Isaac, prays at a well that the young woman who offers water to him and his camels will be "the one you have appointed for your servant Isaac," and Rebekah does. Matthew Henry reads it as the servant's prayer for guidance on the errand he was given. Bible verses for the death of a mother reads the chapter's last verse.

In Genesis 29:20, "Jacob served seven years for Rachel. They seemed to him but a few days, for the love he had for her." Bible verses for feeling left out tells Leah's side of that chapter.

In Ruth 3:1, Naomi, herself widowed, says to her widowed daughter-in-law, "My daughter, shall I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you?" It is a line for anyone married before.

If you are widowed and hoping to marry again

Paul says it in 1 Corinthians 7:39: "if the husband is dead, she is free to be married to whomever she desires, only in the Lord." Verse 40 adds what he labels his own view, "in my judgment." You may be grieving and hoping at once, and both belong here.

The refrain in the Song of Songs

Three times, in 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4, the woman in the poem says to her friends, "I adjure you, daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, or by the hinds of the field, that you not stir up, nor awaken love, until it so desires." The Pulpit Commentary reads it as leaving love to arise of itself, and GotQuestions, in 2023, as a warning against forcing romantic or sexual love. The readings differ, and the refrain stays her own words about letting love wake of itself.

A light left on.

The gift of singleness

On Reddit, one woman wrote in r/Christians, "I have been wondering if I have the gift of singleness." A post in r/ChristianDating said "The gift of singleness is NOT being single." and a commenter in r/TrueChristian wrote "I definitely think the 'gift of celibacy' is a cope people use when they're tired of hearing us ask for help."

In Matthew 19:10-12 the disciples, after Jesus' teaching on marriage, say it is better not to marry, and he answers, "Not all men can receive this saying, but those to whom it is given." The Catholic Catechism says some are called "to the single state" (2231) and describes virginity for the kingdom as received as a gift. The Orthodox Church in America treats celibacy as a charism in monastic life. Calvin says the gift of continence is given to some, and the Gospel Coalition, an evangelical site, disputes the idea that the gift is simply not wanting marriage. Each tradition leaves the question with you and the people who know you; a pastor or priest you trust can talk it through with you. What the Bible says about loneliness covers 1 Corinthians 7:7.

Things people say, and how they land

One commenter on Reddit's r/Christian said the church "often responds to people like OP with platitudes such as, 'Wait on God's timing,' 'Just pray about it,' 'You know Paul was single'". A commenter on r/TrueChristian, married at 48, heard "Your standards are too high, you will never find someone who matches what you want" and wrote, "It was torture, because I was alone in the suffering and no one could relate."

A woman on Reddit's r/ChristianMarriage wrote, "Christian single women, whether they be widowed or never married, are often told that Jesus is our husband." "For your Maker is your husband" is Isaiah 54:5, spoken to Zion, the city addressed as a woman, about its restoration. What the Bible says about shame reads that chapter.

If you are being pressed to settle, every passage here leaves the choosing to you, and Bible verses for patience has lines for anyone told to stay patient with somebody who hurts them.

Church, and when the wait weighs heavily

Single Friendly Church surveyed more than 3,000 single Christians in the UK in 2012, a self-selected sample. Respondents wanted to be valued for what they give and described church life as often built around couples and families. In the United States, a 2023-24 Pew Research Center study found that most Christian groups have more women than men. What the Bible says about loneliness has a section on church for single people.

In a 2019 Greek sample, Apostolou and colleagues found unchosen singlehood associated with lower emotional well-being and life satisfaction, and a 2023 review by DePaulo and colleagues says single people differ widely in how they fare. The NHS says, "Support is also available if you're finding it hard to cope with stress, anxiety or depression," and in the UK to call NHS 111 or ask for an urgent GP appointment "if: you need urgent help for your mental health".

Questions people ask

What about Proverbs 18:22? "Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of Yahweh" is a wisdom saying that speaks of marriage as a good thing and a favor from God.

Was Paul married? In 1 Corinthians 7:8 he tells the unmarried and widows "it is good for them if they remain even as I am," so many read him as unmarried then. Verse 7, just before, says "each man has his own gift from God."

Is wanting marriage a lack of faith? Psalm 13 asks "How long" four times and then says, "But I trust in your loving kindness." The wanting and the trusting sit in the same prayer.

Where to go next

If the wait has turned into thoughts of ending your life, please reach a person tonight. In the United States, call or text 988. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans is on 116 123. In Australia, Lifeline is 13 11 14. Anywhere else, Find A Helpline lists services by country.

Tonight, read Psalm 13:1-2 with the verses around it once, as a prayer, with the want named plainly. For anything else, Bible Nudge can take it in your own words and offer one passage with its setting. Find a passage.